Hope for Better Treatment
I just had the best session I've had with my psychiatrist in a long time. He's open to taking me off of involuntary treatment. I brought it up by asking when I'm due to be re-certified under the Mental Health Act, which is in May 2022. I told him I would like to apply for a tribunal at that time. He wants to talk to my mom and psychologist over the next couple of months before deciding whether to remove me from involuntary treatment and possibly grant me my request of coming off of the medication. I've already been off all mood-stabilizers for over a year.
In 2019 I entered a marijuana induced psychosis that ultimately led me to be hospitalized in the psychiatric ward by December 2020. In today's psychiatry session I spoke again of my desire to know where my brain chemistry is at without alcohol, marijuana, other mind altering drugs or pharma in my system. I had been a willing patient of psychiatry for 19 years until med side effects started outweighing their benefits for me so in 2020 I began to detox off all my prescribed meds, however I didn't remove marijuana during this detox. Already the forced injection of anti-psychotic I've been on for the last year has begun causing me to have a tremor again amongst other side effects like Akathisia (a restlessness and uncomfortable sensation throughout my entire body). Every anti-psychotic I've been on since I entered psychiatry at age 15 has caused negative neurological side effects, crippling my physical body over time, which is why I've been on so many different ones.
I spoke in our session of some signs that could occur for me that would verify I need meds. These signs would be hearing voices or having fears surrounding paranormal activity. I asked my psychiatrist to please make a list of symptoms he might see as needing meds, from psychosis, mania, and depression, so I can better understand my illness and what I might be experiencing. I'm feeling very hopeful by today's session. It finally feels like an end to forced treatment might be in sight.
I've been off marijuana for 84 days and the psychosis has finally subsided. I have been sober from alcohol for just over 2 years. I was sober for a couple years prior to a slip up I had in February 2020. I also agreed to random drug testing any time he'd like, to show my commitment in staying clean and sober. There are many things I'd need to see from myself to confirm that I am doing well if the medication were removed. I'd need to be able to care for myself by making my own meals and staying on top of housework as well as continuing to abide to the Four Pillars of Health (Sleep, Food, Movement and Connection). I'd also need to be able to take care of Saba, my parrot.
I am feeling hopeful. I have been feeling trapped by coercion and forced treatment for the last year. It has been a weight on my psyche and soul. I'm grateful to still be alive today to be writing this and I pray I get the opportunity to see where my natural brain chemistry is at.