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My Heart is as Deep as the Ocean (Part I) - Poetry

My heart is as deep

as the Mariana Trench,

and like the sea

most will never see

what hides

in those depths.

The darkness can be a shield,

a protector,

a friend.

A cozy place

to curl up and rest.


Some have guessed

that bioluminescence

glimmers brightly

in the absence

of the sun.

They’ve heard

that if they face

the inky chill

of the abyss

they’ll find warmth

when they reach

the trenches.


But who will dive?

Who could survive?

Who would dare

to face the bitter cold

of the midnight zone,

and the monsters

that therein roam?

That live here

…inside of me.


I rarely trust.

I rarely believe.

I’m always ready to flee.

Because I can handle being alone,

but I can’t handle the undertow.

I can’t handle the eddies -

My thoughts,

twisting me violently

as I scream

for the memories to stop.


I’m not afraid of the beasts

or their sharp teeth.

They just need to eat.

They need to survive.

I am both the sea

and all the life within it.

I am the sunlight and the shadows.

The predator and the prey.

I am both comfort and pain.

Both the vortex and the calm.

I am duality in the most ugly

and beautiful way.


I yearn for external love

while I claim

that I love myself.

I do love myself.

I am proud to be

where I am.

I will hold me

from now

until the end.

But may I not grow

so fearful of loss

that I don’t let anyone in.

If someone genuinely

wants to explore

my depths,

and I desire him

to find the treasures

lost on the shipwrecks,

then may I let him.

May I call back the beasts

so they won’t attack him.

May I allow his light to shine

through the darkness

of the murky waters,

unveiling my pale flesh.

Illuminating each crevice and scar

revealing who I truly am.

May he come prepared

to spin in the whirlpools,

losing his direction.

May he learn like I have

that each eddy will end.


After weeks or perhaps months

of swimming through the cold

may he reach

the hydrothermal warmth.

And when he does,

When he descends as far

as one can go

then he’ll know,

what truly lies

within me.


--

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