BOOM!
The barbed light
pierces the night.
The raindrops braille the dirt.
Like a tree that’s struck
my mind is cracked in two.
“GO AWAY!
NO!!!
PLEASE STAY!!”
Eyes shut, face crumpled,
my mind screaming so loud
I collapse to the ground,
hands covering my ears
to drown out the sound,
that no one else can hear.
On the outside I look fine.
Hair pulled into a ponytail,
face expressionless,
though my eyes are waterlogged,
tired and sore.
The light cracks again,
like a whip slicing my heart.
My body jerks back
with a painful yelp.
I fall halfway down.
I’m on my knees,
back arched.
My eyes to the sky —
The light shows me
all I wish to hide.
What I want to run from:
The emotions I cannot bear
to keep feeling,
to keep living,
to keep experiencing —
Amy, keep breathing.
It’s dark again now.
I am the storm,
so why does it hurt me?
The dark grey clouds cover my mind,
thoughts colliding like sound waves.
Boom! BOOM!
Dissipating with a violent rumble.
My thoughts are my enemy!
How can I harness this energy?
How can I take this electricity,
and re-route it into positivity?
…
I can journal.
I can write.
I can push out truly
terrible rhymes.
I can draw.
I can breathe
until the storm passes
and calm finds its way
back into my chest.
But the storm will come again,
and again
and again.
It will weather me.
The gales, my triggers,
directing my growth
like wind swept trees.
It will teach me
that this is me.
That I can overcome anything
life throws at me.
That I am worthy.
I am worthy of love.
(Just like you)
If not someone else’s, then my own.
I will stand with me in the storm
and maybe one day,
someone will stand with me
unafraid of the chaos I bring,
and we,
we will dance in the rain.
Dance with me,
please dance with me,
and show me that my electricity
is sensuality.
Lightning striking between the sheets
from lust or caress,
a massage to please.
To relax the stress knotted
in your flesh,
my touch is how I show
I care.
As the storms collide
within my mind
I remember your fingers
intertwined with mine.
Dance with me,
please dance with me,
and show me that my thunder
is a bedtime harmony
easing you to sleep.
Dance with me
in the pouring rain,
turn me with a smile
then spin away the pain.
Storms destroy
and storms clear the way.
Storms make us value
the sunny days.