Rainy Days when it’s Sunny Outside

I sit at the screen and breathe —

In and out.

Blasé is a feeling that’s deep.

It’s not sadness per say,

It’s numbness.

It’s this looming hole inside of me

That never heals.

That aches

Thinking someone or something can fix it,

But they can’t,

Only I can.

I see posts about the recent school shooting in Uvalde.

My heart shatters again and again.

I see my friend is drunk again.

Some people may never change.

No matter how much I pray.

I wish I could heal the world

But I struggle to heal myself.

The meds make me so tired,

I’m drained.

No energy to move

So I rest in bed.

Soon it’ll be shower time with Saba.

I’ll wash the makeup off my face —

My mask.

The colours I wear that say ‘I’m alright’

When deep down I just want to sleep

The day away.