I’m handling it but wow, what a ride. My life manages to get stranger and stranger… These waves are not new to me and amazingly I think I’m actually handling them better than I ever have before. I’m somewhere between surfing and being in the water simply clinging to my board.
My board in this case is writing. Writing is my saving grace. It helps me ride the waves or ride the rollercoaster, whichever metaphor you prefer. I guess I should quit screaming in fear and simply start to enjoy myself. Can I do that? Can I change the narrative?
The waves won’t drown me, of that I’m sure. The rollercoaster has moments of steady along the track. And then the thoughts trigger the emotions and suddenly I’m hijacked.
Or am I surfing waves that the pros would travel the world to find? Riding a rollercoaster that thrill seekers would pay a fortune for? Climbing a mountain that not all can climb? But I’m doing it, one foot hold, one hand placement, at a time.
What a life I have been given. Truly. What a crazy, messy, emotional life… I never know who’s going to show up. What ghosts from the past, what people I have yet to meet. I never know what opportunities await just beyond the horizon.
I once told God my biggest fear was that I’d live a mundane life. I know it’s no longer possible but I can see that the Universe took it to heart. My inner deep explorer, curiosity kitty cat fire tiger, adventuring Aries the ram soul is forever seeking the next mountain to climb, the next valley full of ancient ruins, the next desert to forge across, and the next ocean full of lost treasures.
In art today I explained how I was trying to find the hope. I was working on my sketch and then I was looking for a quote to add. I was so angry inside while I sketched. So hurt. I scribbled a painful poem upon the paper. But where was the hope? I asked. How can I change this narrative from I’m falling and this person is not here to catch me, in fact I feel like they pushed me off the ledge, and inside I’m screaming… I envisioned faces twisting in agony in the background of my new Art as Therapy piece. But so many others are here to catch me. How can I change this post from ‘I need to breathe. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster.’ to ‘Ok, that might be the case, but I can handle that.’
I write this, yet another silly post that once more will shock me to see that people actually take the time to read what I write. At least I’m okay now. The wave has passed. I can breathe again.