I lie on the couch and my mind spins. Things I feel I can’t handle like the triggers of abandonment, jealousy, envy. I swirl in the chaos for a while, my eyes closed as my mind and emotions churn violently. My body jolting and my face contorting from the onslaught of these internal screams.
Then I open my eyes. I still my body and look at the dimly lit room around me. There’s just a bit of natural light shining through the closed blinds. I hear the hum of the heat pump as its warm air caresses my fingers and cheeks. My body is extra toasty, wrapped up in a blanket. I am supported and held by the comfy couch cushions beneath me. All is silent otherwise.
In this moment, if I am to be exactly where my body is, all is well. All is peaceful. The deep shadows of the room engulf me like a hug. Soft. Soothing. Mellow. I still have an hour until I need to get up so I’ll try to rest again. Focus on my breath, meditate. Be in the safety and calm of this moment. Oh, now I can hear my baby, she’s upstairs and has begun to sing.