Could You Love Me Like This?

A friend recently gave me a compliment on my Star Trek uniform, saying I looked sexy. I replied, thanking her, while also sharing that beneath my form fitting clothing I have cellulite, stretch marks, and loose skin from years of gaining weight and then losing it. Another friend piped in saying I wasn’t giving myself a very good sales pitch.

I find it fascinating how easily I can see beauty in the so-called ‘imperfections’ of others, yet I struggle to extend that same grace towards myself. Romantically, I’m not into muscular men. I’m into faces, energy, spiritual alignment, character, intellect, shared interests, emotional connection, competence, and health. Nutrition and fitness are lifestyle choices I make because I want to feel good, especially as I age, so yes, I am naturally inclined to feel an attraction towards men who value the same.

I’ve never had a toned and sculpted body. Even as a teen I had stretch marks and cellulite. I’ve gained and lost a lot of weight throughout my life, which does leave a physical mark. I’m 40 years old and I still get acne. That tight and toned ‘perfect looking’ skin type isn’t a part of my genetics and never has been.

I know how easy it is to create a fantasy version of someone in my mind—to project an unrealistic ideal onto them. I’m a fashionista. I LOVE dressing up. Even when I was over 200 pounds I still had an hourglass figure, which is my genetics. I don’t want to be pursued and desired for something I’m not. I value transparency because I’m at a place in my healing where I want to be chosen for who I am—not my clothes, not my flesh, but for the being I am beneath all of that.

It’s an ongoing journey, this bodily love and self-acceptance. This was an Art As Therapy piece I created in 2019. It was inspired by Hollie Holden - Notes on Living & Loving.

~Amy Frank

Art As Therapy (2019) by Amy Frank

Poetry in Art Piece by Hollie Holden