I’m proud to announce that as of today I finally have 1 year off of marijuana. 🎉 I should have been at around 20 months by now but last summer I had a single slip at around 8 months in. I didn’t advertise it but I did stay true to myself and re-set my sobriety clock.
I have approximately 16 years off hard drugs and well over 3 years sober from alcohol. For me, this quote rings true. The physical withdrawals of drugs and alcohol are one thing but I think dealing with the emotional aftermath of what was caused by the addictions has been the hardest part of recovery for me. Learning to forgive oneself can be a challenge and also acknowledging that some people may never forgive me.
Even though I still carry some shame surrounding the marijuana induced psychosis I experienced from 2019 to 2021, I am proud to be where I am today and I’m grateful for every experience that got me here. I love who I’ve become. ❤️
Thank you to everyone who has stuck by me and supported me, even those who I may no longer be in contact with. I’ve had and have an amazing support network of professionals, family, friends, and even strangers. I couldn’t and can’t do it all alone. We all need help sometimes. 🫂
Thank you for joining me on this journey. Please keep on being kind. We never know what someone else is going through. 🕯️
Edit:
Someone on Facebook asked me what was marijuana induced psychosis, how did I know it was THC induced, and what were the early and then later symptoms. This was my answer:
"It’s basically the same as any other psychosis but marijuana induced. All the psychoses I’ve experienced thus far in life have been linked to substance abuse. Marijuana can definitely cause psychosis in some people but so can crack/cocaine, meth, and alcohol (to just name a few other substances). Psychosis can also be linked to schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, and there’s such a thing as postpartum psychosis as well.
With marijuana it’s not uncommon for some people to experience paranoia and suspiciousness, which is a part of psychosis. I actually stayed away from pot for years and years as I didn’t like the anxiety and paranoia it provoked.
In the 2019 to 2021 psychosis I thought I was telepathic, I thought I had magical powers, I thought there were global conspiracies happening with aliens, I thought technology was guiding and protecting me, I thought I was the reincarnation of a very famous person, that I could communicate with animals/insects/plants, and that I was a famous artist whom everyone in Victoria knew, that they were broadcasting stories about me on the news. This all unfolded as I fell deeper and deeper into the delusions (which I called Wonderland).
When it started in 2019 it wasn’t as bad as I wasn’t using as heavily as I did once COVID hit in 2020. It started off with me beginning to believe in really deep spiritual connections. I felt I had an ancient connection to someone that surpassed space and time. I felt there was a calling for me to follow a certain path. I became hyper focused on symbols and signs.
I think there is a fine line between spirituality and psychosis. And seeing I am where I am now, I can’t say that following where it led me was wrong. I’m not sorry I went through it. Not now at least. Being detained under the mental health act after hospitalization in 2021 and force injected with antipsychotics was the worst and most traumatic part of the whole experience for me. Of course it’s taken time to come to terms with true reality and grieve the magical world I lost. It was real to me. Bits of it are still alive in memories and I’m grateful for that. I can’t unsee things. It was a life changing experience (for the better).
I won’t go back to pot though. I don’t want to live in delusions, nor do I ever want to be treated that way again by the medical system.
I did upset some people while in psychosis too which I’m still working on forgiving myself for. I certainly didn’t physically harm anyone though. I more just annoyed, scared, worried and/or disrespected some people (which isn’t okay either)."