I had a great session with my psychiatrist today. I hadn’t seen him in over 2 months. I was super anxious leading up to it as I still have a lot of pain about how I’ve been treated by the medical system, especially in 2021 after exiting hospital.
I have been off antipsychotics for over a year and have over a month off mood stabilizers now. My psychiatrist gave me a small script for sleeping pills to take as needed. I’m hoping not to need them, but my fear has been that too much insomnia/poor sleep on top of the waves of extremely powerful emotions, could drive me into mania. Sleep is one of the four pillars of health, so it’s something I’m keeping an eye on.
I hit some waves recently however I am staying clean and sober, not engaging in shopping beyond my needs, not using nicotine or caffeine, not overeating/indulging in junk food/sugar, nor under eating. I am not engaging in casual sex. It’s pretty phenomenal actually how many vices I’ve removed from my life. I have to feel what I feel. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to run from that. I’m trying to live in line with my values. What matters to me in life?
The answer: Kindness, Compassion, Honesty, Communication, Trust, Courage, Health, Self-empowerment, Adventure, Faith, Learning, Humility, Authenticity, Autonomy, Community, Curiosity, Loyalty, Determination, Growth, Humour, Love, Peace, Respect, Safety, Service, Stability, and Competency.
I think it’s time that I start to process my last psychosis. I still have a lot of shame surrounding it. It was facing that shame in 2021 that led me back to the person I now once again have felt very hurt by.
To start talking about the psychosis, I intend to do a reading of my Art as Therapy Book 3: Conversations with the Algorithms. Up until now, I have been too ashamed to film myself reading that book or even look at a lot of the art I created within it. I will work on this in the coming weeks.
Thank you to all whom are still following me. Your support or at the very least your interest in my journey means a lot. 🫂 Much love 😘