It can be scary to ask somebody out on a date, especially if you really like or admire that person. It can feel vulnerable to expose one’s feelings in that way, particularly for men who, societally, have often been disconnected from their feelings since childhood. The possibility of rejection can feel intimidating—even for the most confident among us.

Because of this, I’ve decided to create a checklist. Here’s a quick way to find out whether or not we’re compatible, before you ask. ❤️

**Please note: This checklist is based on my values, which have been sculpted by my personal experiences with trauma, addiction, and recovery. It is not meant as a moral judgment on how others live their lives. We’re all different in what we enjoy and what we seek in a romantic partnership.**

2026 DATING CHECKLIST

(SHARED VALUES):

• Do you drink alcohol?

• Do you use marijuana (THC)?

• Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, and/or use tobacco/nicotine products of any kind?

• Do you vape?

• Do you consume energy drinks/high volumes of caffeine?

• Do you gamble in ways that are habitual, financially risky, or emotionally charged?

• Do you engage in hookup culture, casual sex, and/or watch porn?

• Do you use hard drugs such as cocaine or meth?

• Do you want any of the above activities or substances to be part of your future lifestyle?

• If you are in recovery from any of the above activities or substances, have you had less than one year of abstinence?

• Have you been single, and emotionally and sexually unattached, for less than one year?

• Do you cope with conflict or big emotions by withdrawing or emotionally exploding?

• Do you identify as highly extroverted and require frequent social stimulation?

• Are you close friends with any of your exes (including ex-flings and ex-one-night stands)?

➡️ This question excludes those who may have children, where respectful co-parenting is important—though for me, that respect wouldn’t equate to being “best friends”.

• Do you have children aged 12 or younger?

• Do you identify as ethically non-monogamous?

• Are you interested in a relationship with a woman who’s bisexual or bi-curious and wants to engage sexually with you and other women?

• Do you have any female friends (or close female relationships) in your life right now whom you already have, or would, engage with romantically or sexually if given the opportunity?

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It takes courage to ask someone out. For me, these are dealbreakers. You don’t have to tell me your answers—but if the answer to any of these questions was “Yes” then I’m not the right woman for you.

Again, this isn’t meant as a moral judgment. We all have different preferences and values regarding what we enjoy and seek in life, sex, and love. I can assure you that what doesn’t work for one person will absolutely work for another. 💝

With Transparency & Gratitude,

~Amy