I’m having a good day. I had a wonderful workout at the gym this morning then came home, got Pretty out and started contacting potential sponsors for my upcoming solo show in April 2024 (more info to come). There’s still many more to contact. I’m starting with organizations that work with mental health, addiction and/or homelessness in Victoria and/or the province of BC (British Columbia).
I’m feeling… scared. Haha. Or perhaps it’s more a feeling of nervousness. I actually contacted some politicians as well as the Ministry of Mental Health and Addiction plus many more. At this point I’m not sure how many people I reached out to will respond let alone sponsor but I’m trying to see it as at least making connections.
I know I’m not manic nor hypomanic (I do see my psychiatrist tomorrow) but the confidence I’m having to tap into to be able do these things feels reminiscent of mania/hypomania as previously I’ve only ever had the feelings of self worth, that I’ve truly worked hard at developing over this last year, while in these states. It’s kind of a strange thing, to be feeling confident and worthy but not in an over the top invincible indestructible way.
It’s taken a long time to get here but I do think my story has value. I think I have talent as an artist and writer and that I’ve been able to capture an incredible journey with mental illness, addiction, sobriety and stability in my visual and written works. It’s a story of hope which I feel is needed, and, it goes so much deeper than visual art. It’s a message of self empowerment - That there’s a lot more we can do to aid wellness than just taking meds (and, that taking meds is absolutely okay too! They have a place. It doesn’t have to be one or the other). It’s kinda scary to be putting myself out there though to some very big organizations and people.
I saw a reel yesterday that told me that other people can’t reject us. They may not be interested, they may say no, but rejection only comes when one hears that and sees it as a reflection of their own self worth. If someone says no or turns us down and we take it to believe we’re not worthy, not talented, not lovable - whatever the thoughts might be, that’s when we’ve been rejected, as we’ve rejected ourselves.
I don’t know what the future holds but it’s one foot in front of the other as I walk. One hand here, one there, as I climb up this mountain. I’ve gotta keep focusing on the 4 Pillars of Health, stay grounded and breathe.
Just keep breathing baby girl… you’ve got this.
This Blog was inspired by seeing this quote: