The Return of the King

Yesterday as I was walking to a workshop I’m partaking in, I stopped to take my sweater off as I was overheating (I power walk). I always have one ear bud in as I walk so I can listen to music but also be attuned to my surroundings. A song was playing: “I Remember” by Mary Isis.

As I was putting my sweater into my backpack, I glanced up and saw some graffiti on a telephone pole. It was barely visible; faded, the word: “Queen” with the outline of a crown painted beneath it.

In that moment I understood. I remembered…

My whole body shimmered when I got home later that day and wrote about the experience in my journal. Moments after I saw the graffiti, I saw a bitten apple resting on the ground. Me, being the walking fairytale I am, suddenly heard a line echoing in my head from a poem I wrote as a teenager “May I eat a poison apple, never to awake?” Then another memory emerged as step by step I continued on to my destination; my mother replying “it’s the Snow White in you” when I told her that I like to paint my lips red on snow days. I then recalled my neighbours and random strangers telling me how much their dog(s) like to drink out of my water bowl specifically (compared to other water bowls people in the neighborhood put out); they often say it with a twinge of surprise in their tone.

As I continued walking, listening to whatever music came on through the random shuffle, I remembered how this is so much bigger than me… I sometimes forget that. I think I’m looking for romantic love even though I know it’s so much more than that.

In that moment of realization—of remembering—I suddenly felt like a Queen; bound by duty as I power walked through the city streets with my head held high. My body strong as I carried a heavy load upon my back; my thunderous thighs clomping up a hill. Steady. Grounded. Deliberate. Powerful. My crown planted firmly atop my head—Elegant. Poised. Graceful. Kind. Beloved. Fair. A leader worthy of the respect and loyalty she’s earned.

I remembered that like Elizabeth I, known as the virgin Queen; I couldn’t live a life like most people can as I have obligations and responsibilities that were bestowed upon me long before I came here.

I remembered…

I remembered…

AA reminds me to turn my will back over to God; to put my faith in his hands (as I understand Him to be), because none of this is for me… I think that’s what makes the jealousy and hatred towards me so hard at times; because I’ve been there so I understand what it’s like to be activated by another’s beauty, success, or sensuality; and I also know what challenges I’ve had to face and overcome to be where I am. How long I’ve had to be my own cheerleader; believing in myself when few others did. So many in this world are rooted in selfishness, in self-preservation, where everything I do is for us—All of us. For this planet and every life upon her, including my own.

I feel as if I walk alone. I call myself a lone wolf. I know it isn’t true of course; I simply go ahead so as to map out the safest course. I have the bugs, animals, fungi, and plants, and I also have you—the people reading my blogs and posts. My friends, family, and community. I know now there are also people cheering me on and being inspired by my journey that may never tell me or make themselves known.

This work I do, it never ends; it doesn’t pay the bills… Yet, it blesses me to make such deep connections; to know my struggles and triumphs help others face their own. How phenomenal it is that of the 8 billion+ people here on earth today, our paths have somehow intersected and some of us have become characters in each other’s stories. The future is fluid (ever changing)—a season, a reason, or a lifetime—yet, for whatever reason we’re here right now.

I once heard that a great leader doesn’t show you their strengths, they remind you of your own. The hardest thing for me to say is: “Help”. So thank you to all those who are there for me when I finally do.

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I loved this post by ManTalks. It inspired me to write this. Thank you to JRR Tolkien for writing The Lord of the Rings. I know the love story between Aragorn and Arwen was based on his own love and devotion for his wife, Edith.

Men get so much hate these days yet there are good men out there—Kings who are worthy of the crowns they wear. And, all men, women, and people can embody royal energy; it’s but a choice in how we show up. Will we lead with benevolence, compassion, kindness, and grace? Or will we rule with fear, hatred, and manipulation? Will our loyalties be bought or will they be earned?

As I sit in my cave, my little bird chewing on her rope ball, content as can be; the external world spinning into chaos as so many tap into the news frequencies… I remember. I remember… this is so much bigger than me.

~Amy Frank

Inspirational Post by ManTalks