This World Is A Better Place Because You’re In It

Art by Amy Frank (2019)

I used to think I could heal men who were in deep emotional pain if I just loved them hard enough; as if my sensuality held some sort of magical power—as if my lips could kiss them and it would make everything better.

The girl in me is madly in love with chivalry, fantasy, and fairytale (I know that’s no surprise to my regular readers). I crawled on my hands and my knees through the bowels of hell to get here, however. Little me grew up too fast; she learned the ways of men and lust when she was much too young.

There’s a saying that many in the mental health community dislike, it’s that we need to love ourselves before we can love another. The more I heal, the more I understand where that belief stems from, particularly in the context of romance. I witness so many people inadvertently causing others pain because they’re in a deep state of addiction and inner conflict. I know that war too well, as I grew up there. Everything was about me, as I was in a constant state of survival. Sadly, everyone around me became a casualty. I thought I was only hurting myself, but my drive to self-destruct ended up hurting everyone I loved. There’s a quote I’ve held onto:

“Suicide doesn’t end the pain, it passes it on to all those who love us.” ~Unknown

That’s not to say it’s selfish. Let’s never shame those who are no longer with us. Instead, let’s help the living face and heal the wounds that are keeping their psyches at war.

For years, I was the damsel in distress. Many men tried to swoop in and save me, only for us to live out our childhood wounds again, causing everyone involved more pain and anguish—thicker armour as we forever sharpened our protective blades of distrust. As I took healing upon myself, learning that what I sought had to first be kindled within, I switched roles: I became the saviour.

My empathic nature still feels a strong pull towards men in emotional pain; especially when I can tell there’s a shared sense of physical attraction between us. As I healed, my belief that if I just loved someone hard enough everything would get better, only ended up harming me. I’ve learned from dating that when someone doesn’t love and respect themselves, they’re much more likely to sabotage the relationship (whether it was me, or the men I was with). Sadly, it’s been my departure that’s often led to changes. I’ve left a long line of broken hearts in my almost 40 years of life, yet amazingly, I know many of these men love me even more because of it. When I left, I broke them open; like seeds needing the heat of the fire to grow. My departure made them feel. My absence forced some of them to finally turn and face themselves.

Life can be so painful at times. It must be lived by going forward yet we learn by looking back. I created this piece in 2019 for someone who will never be forgotten, even if the story I had of them was but a fantasy. This has become one of my all-time favourite art pieces.

My love and touch, unfortunately, cannot be a rehab facility, yet I’m grateful to say those resources do exist. Here’s a link to my Mental Health and Addictions resource page.

Please, please, seek help. It takes one to know one. I see you. This world is a better place because you’re in it. I’m sending you so much love. 🫂