I like to continuously remind people that I am not where I am because I came off of psych meds. I am where I am because I believed my life could be different than it was. Sometimes people ask me if I feel I’ve been misdiagnosed. No, I don’t. I fully own that I’ve displayed symptoms of bipolar disorder since I was a teenager.
In 2018, I started learning ways to empower myself with the holistic understanding that mental illness, for some, has a lot more psychosocial causes than brain chemistry. The spikes in depression, anxiety, and substance use when covid hit should already be proof of that. No one can heal brain chemistry but we absolutely can change our internal and external environments.
To change my environment, I’ve had to face a lot of pain and trauma, as well as continuously work on honing emotional regulation skills, so as to not turn to negative coping strategies (vices) when feeling overwhelmed or in emotional pain.
I have a huge focus on nutrition. I eat very keto-ish at home (high fat, high protein, high veggies, some fruit, a bit of dark chocolate). When I go out, I eat whatever I want, as I don’t think it’s emotionally healthy to deny myself certain foods. I don’t eat out often though.
I exercise a lot. Aside from getting into fitness again at the gym with weight lifting and cardio, I’ve incorporated power walking (and walking in general) into my daily lifestyle. I’m prepared for any weather; I will walk rain, snow, storm, or shine.
I have a huge support network. I have a ton of friends, the online communities that have grown up around my Art and Advocacy; I’ve got professionals, Saba, and I’m very close with my parents now. Most importantly, I’ve got me. I practice meditation, grounding, and loving kindness. I give my inner child the love and care she needed but didn’t receive growing up.
When I acknowledge my own downfalls and shadow—what roles I’ve played in the past that were detrimental to my life and my relationships (whatever form of relationships those may have been) instead of blaming others or myself; I’m able to take my power back. I can extend internal compassion, forgiveness, and grace towards me. When I do this, it’s much easier to also extend the same towards others.
I’m not perfect. I’ve made choices that weren’t okay, and sometimes I still mess up, but every day I get the opportunity to make a new choice.
I prioritize sleep, rest, and relaxation. These are not luxuries, they are essential to wellness.
Lastly, I came off of psych meds.
People tell me that bipolar disorder is cyclical and that I can have years of stability before something happens and I relapse in my mental health—but that’s it, *something happens*.
I don’t know the future, but I know that there are things I can do everyday to support myself in feeling well.
I always heard that one day I would become a butterfly. Caterpillars literally liquify into goo to attain transformation. If you help cut them out of the cocoon, it kills them. The struggle is a part of metamorphosis. I truly believe the psychosis I went through in 2019 to 2021 was a spiritual awakening. It was painful beyond belief. I’m lucky to have survived. But, I’ve earned my wings now.
For those of you in Victoria, BC, Canada, I hope you can come out to my show in April, meet me, maybe come to my talk, and learn more about The Wisdom of Wonderland.
Believing you can heal doesn’t mean you will, but believing you can’t ensures that you won’t.
