I think some people view me as a strong empowered woman, and I would agree that I am. I believe women deserve equal opportunities, equal pay, and equal rights. That every person should have autonomy over their own body. While I share many feminist values, I don’t personally align with the label because I’ve seen some forms of feminism drift into misandry. I believe true empowerment uplifts everybody, regardless of their gender.
I went and saw the Barbie movie a couple years ago. I can understand why it was so controversial. While it had the potential to be an empowering film, I found parts of it disappointing because rather than breaking the cycle of oppression, it momentarily mirrored it back. I witnessed this in the way the Barbies initially responded: By flipping the power dynamic, temporarily placing the Kens in the same disempowered position they had been in. While the movie did leave space for change at the end, the way the Barbies first reclaim power felt more like revenge than true equality.
Another example of this is in the last Hunger Games film and book. After the rebels won, they took a vote and decided they would now force the Capitol’s children into the same deadly arena that once oppressed them. This shows how cycles of harm repeat when we seek retribution instead of healing. Katniss saw this and made a different choice—one that broke the cycle instead of continuing it.
It’s no wonder the Barbie movie spurred controversy and upset a lot of men. There’s a well-known saying, often attributed to African wisdom: “The child who is shunned from the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”
I have great interest in men’s mental health because I see it as an area that’s sorely lacking in our society. I agree with Carl Jung’s concept of anima and animus—the idea that we all contain both masculine and feminine traits, regardless of our sex or gender. Masculinity is not inherently toxic and femininity is not inherently healing. Both have strengths and weaknesses. Both exist for a reason (and yes, I acknowledge that biology is way more complicated than the basics most of us were taught in high school).
As a single heterosexual cis female, I’ve learned to have incredibly strong boundaries with straight and/or bi cis men. I’ve accumulated a great deal of sexual and emotional trauma at the hands of men who acted in inexcusable ways. I feel our society has done the masculine and all of us a great harm by denying men the expression of their full range of human emotions. It’s caused a lot of loneliness and addiction; a lot of suicide and violence. It’s caused many to need protection from the wounded masculine.
As a result, many have had to protect themselves. Women, in particular, have been rising in their power as a necessity rather than a choice. I, for one, have had to become my own protector, because I couldn’t (and often still can’t) depend on the masculine to step into that role. I’ve had to become a leader and a fighter so as to protect my gentle nature. It’s been a painful and lonely journey.
I love the concept of the divine masculine and divine feminine—not as rigid gender roles, but as energies that exist within all of us, regardless of our sex or gender. In this concept, the masculine, in its highest expression, embodies leadership, protection, and grounded strength. The feminine, at its highest, embodies nurturing, intuition, and creation. Neither is superior to the other; both are needed for balance in individuals and in our society.
I believe strong empowered females need strong empowered males. For men to fully rise into their power, they must cultivate inner safety—learning to self-soothe, regulate, and communicate their emotions in a respectful manner. True leadership and protection aren’t about control, but about being a stable and safe presence for themselves and others.
The truth is that every person—regardless of their sex or gender—has the capacity to harm or heal. Emotional intelligence (such as self-regulation and personal accountability) are not just masculine or feminine traits; they’re human skills that are needed by everyone.
I’m no saint. I’ve passed around plenty of misandry jokes, never thinking twice. But now when I read a joke that makes a sweeping statement about an entire gender, I have to ask myself: If this same joke were being aimed at women, would I still find it funny? Would I still think it’s okay to laugh at and pass around? If the answer is no, then is it okay for me to do the same thing towards men?
I believe for our world to heal, our focus needs to move inward towards the fostering of emotional intelligence. For so long, our society has put all of its emphasis on the importance of cognitive intelligence. Self awareness, emotional regulation, personal accountability, communication, conflict resolution, collaboration, and the building of community could not only change the course of our individual lives and relationships, it could change the course of the entire human race.
I believe it’s my responsibility as a strong empowered female to help others rise. Regardless of whether I birth my own children or not, it’s my responsibility to nurture this planet into a safer place for not only our daughters, but for our sons and all of our children. True empowerment isn’t about one group rising above another, it’s about all of us rising together.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. Much love to us all.
Huge Hugs,
~Amy
I’ve been working on this blog for almost a week. It was inspired by this (screenshotted) post by ManTalks aka Connor Beaton
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