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This is what healing looks like…

The reach could be anything… drugs, alcohol, sex, food, starvation, shopping, gambling, video games, social media, self harm, work etc. Exercise absolutely can be an avoidance technique too.

I actually feel like my inner child is thriving right now but I realize I’m single which makes things a lot easier. Romance has notoriously been a time when that wounded inner child has emerged.

I’m glad I’m taking this time to nurture myself and her. Getting off psych meds has been no easy feat. I fought against psychiatry and family to be here. I did ultimately win their support, to which I’m grateful, as now I’m doing better than I’ve ever been. I’m stable and grounded. I’m able to function in life, in society, and actually take care of myself and the wee feathered one.

It’s been 16 months without antipsychotics, and 4 months without mood stabilizers. Of course, abstaining from drugs/alcohol etc makes all the difference on top of lifestyle changes such as nutrition and exercise, as well as self reflection like identifying my triggers and how to heal those wounds.

So far autumn has passed without a problem, winter is here and I haven’t felt any depression. I am a little nervous about spring though so one day at a time. I just know that the foundation I’ve been building needs to be done right. I have to make choices every single day to maintain it. Feeling how the work put in pays off, makes it not feel like work though. I look forward to waking up. I look forward to moving my body. I can face pain and discomfort, I don’t need to numb or run, ultimately making things worse. It's incredibly hard to do, and I'm far from perfect, but I can sit with agony. I don’t ever want to go back to where I’ve been.

I enjoyed this reflection by Branden Collinsworth. We all need external love and other people in our lives as we are a communal species, but giving ourselves love, grace, and forgiveness is a huge part of healing. I find doing this also assists me in being able to offer love, grace, and forgiveness to others.

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